Conmercials
Have you observed the latest infomercials/tele-shopping ads doing the rounds?
The latest one - The height increasing products. There are 2 that I have seen - HiGrow Height Increaser and Yoko Height Increaser.
What they promise - They will increase your height by up to 4 inches in a matter of 3 months.
How they do it - All you have to do is wear an insole (and walk around for 15 minutes) and you will increase your height. How is it done? This is the part that's the most amusing. The explanation given is that the leg has a lot of nerve endings. By applying pressure at the correct points, the pituitary glands in the brain activate the growth hormones. So you become taller. (I just love it when they used medical terms like "pituitary glands" and "growth hormones").
Yoko Height Increaser is developed using the latest Japanese technology. Origins of HiGrow is apparently unknown (probably made in Ulhas Nagar).
But I think the developers of these growth products that activate the pituitary glands could work on similar products, since they seem to be popular.
One that grows nostril hair faster -
"Are you worried about not having nostril hair which is not long enough? Does it affect your confidence? Are you worried that you don't have nastral hair to pull? Worry not! The Yoko Nostril Hair Increaser will solve all your Nostril hair needs. Plus if you order now, we will put in a Nostril Hair Comb in, Free!!"
How about ear increaser?
"Are you feeling disappointed that people do not pay attention because your ears don't make your head look like a trophy? HiGrow Ear Increaser will give you the confidence to walk around looking like a trophy. As a bonus you can use the HiGrow Head Increaser to shape your head like a cone so that you can completely look like the trophy you always wanted to look like. "
Here is a prediction of future products that could be coming to a tele-shop near you.
"NoScratch - Are you worried that you scratch yourself often? Does it let you down during that corporate meeting during presentation. The NoScratch is a slightly large electromagnetic device that you put in your nostril. The NoScratch will send electric pulses to the neuromatrix located at the forebrain. This will remove any sense of itch. To double the effect, stuff both your nostrils with this NoScratch and you can walk around with confidence and with no sense whatsover. "
"FingerExtra - Are you anxious that you don't have enough finger in your hand? Do you wish you had an extra finger so that you have more nails to bite? Do you feel you need that extra finger to type faster? Worry not. FingerExtra can help you grow an extra finger. All you need to do is take our special pills which induce the Founder Effect which can stimulate the growth of extra fingers."
The only side effect of using these products would be that your level of intelligence would come down. But then you could always use Hi-Intelligence which stimulates your cerebral cortex to boost your intelligence...
The latest one - The height increasing products. There are 2 that I have seen - HiGrow Height Increaser and Yoko Height Increaser.
What they promise - They will increase your height by up to 4 inches in a matter of 3 months.
How they do it - All you have to do is wear an insole (and walk around for 15 minutes) and you will increase your height. How is it done? This is the part that's the most amusing. The explanation given is that the leg has a lot of nerve endings. By applying pressure at the correct points, the pituitary glands in the brain activate the growth hormones. So you become taller. (I just love it when they used medical terms like "pituitary glands" and "growth hormones").
Yoko Height Increaser is developed using the latest Japanese technology. Origins of HiGrow is apparently unknown (probably made in Ulhas Nagar).
But I think the developers of these growth products that activate the pituitary glands could work on similar products, since they seem to be popular.
One that grows nostril hair faster -
"Are you worried about not having nostril hair which is not long enough? Does it affect your confidence? Are you worried that you don't have nastral hair to pull? Worry not! The Yoko Nostril Hair Increaser will solve all your Nostril hair needs. Plus if you order now, we will put in a Nostril Hair Comb in, Free!!"
How about ear increaser?
"Are you feeling disappointed that people do not pay attention because your ears don't make your head look like a trophy? HiGrow Ear Increaser will give you the confidence to walk around looking like a trophy. As a bonus you can use the HiGrow Head Increaser to shape your head like a cone so that you can completely look like the trophy you always wanted to look like. "
Here is a prediction of future products that could be coming to a tele-shop near you.
"NoScratch - Are you worried that you scratch yourself often? Does it let you down during that corporate meeting during presentation. The NoScratch is a slightly large electromagnetic device that you put in your nostril. The NoScratch will send electric pulses to the neuromatrix located at the forebrain. This will remove any sense of itch. To double the effect, stuff both your nostrils with this NoScratch and you can walk around with confidence and with no sense whatsover. "
"FingerExtra - Are you anxious that you don't have enough finger in your hand? Do you wish you had an extra finger so that you have more nails to bite? Do you feel you need that extra finger to type faster? Worry not. FingerExtra can help you grow an extra finger. All you need to do is take our special pills which induce the Founder Effect which can stimulate the growth of extra fingers."
The only side effect of using these products would be that your level of intelligence would come down. But then you could always use Hi-Intelligence which stimulates your cerebral cortex to boost your intelligence...
posted by Shailesh Nair | 4:01 PM
3 Comments:
hahhaa :-)......the article speaks a lot abt ur comprehension skills shailesh!
Amazing touch of pun !
I enjoyed it completely..!
After seeing the current commercials like TeleBrands, I really appreciate the humour in it. Nice work. keep it up
Achan
Some people go for it evenafter knowing that these are all just money eating devices. I have seen a higroheight device that costs 1000 plus rupees- but actually it worths just less than 100. Anyone can make use of any such sharp device on the sole to induce all the hormones- why go for this costly plastic. The person who bought it himself knows that it won't work- still he bought giving 0.001% chance for it to increase his height-poor man.
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